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Should You Join The Housewives As They Go Down Under?
What Is This Thing? Oh, you know: another group of awful, wealthy women attending one another's galas for Pekinese colon cancer and gossiping about whichever one showed up wearing the same tired gown...
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The Melbourne Housewives Engage In Idle Gossip and Metallurgy
Welcome to Week 2 of The Real Housewives Of Melbourne! Now that all the intro business from last week is taken care of, the ladies can get down to the serious business of talking to each other in...
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Tequila Plus Australians Equals Good Times For All
Gina begins this week by revealing to the girls that she has, in accordance with what the angels had told Jackie, broken up with her American boyfriend. The mourning period for Gina's relationship...
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Of Ski Bunnies And Saber-Toothed Tigers
This week, instead of everybody staying in Melbourne to discuss whether Jackie is capable of communicating with the other side, only half of the women do that. The other half goes skiing in the...
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Everybody Loves (Or Hates) Gina
Public Enemy #1 has been declared, and her name is Gina. Clearly, all the other women gazed into the future (thanks to Jackie and her angel messengers, natch) and saw that she was topping all of them...
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Game, Set, Snatch That Weave
It's a double helping of tennis and Salsa for the Melbourne Housewives this week! Obviously, the Housewives are going to make some further disparaging comments about Latin American culture during...
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The Melbourne Housewives Go Somewhere Else In Australia To Fight
It's time for the inaugural Real Housewives Of Melbourne Bitch Trip! It's just like a regular Housewives trip except THERE ARE LITERALLY WALLABIES HOPPING AROUND PALM TREES. As someone who grew up in...
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With Gina Gone, All Anyone Can Do Is Talk About Gina
Gina is absent from three fourths of this week's episode, and yet her spirit hangs over the group like a sparkly, attention-hungry specter. Lydia invites a friend over to discuss Gina while wearing a...
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Janet The Conqueror
With only one episode between now and the non-Andy-Cohen-hosted reunions, the battle couch lines are set. Of course, which asses will be parked on which couch cushions in two weeks is entirely...
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'Some Women Can Be Real A**holes'
The end of RHOMelbourne's season proper has everything you'd expect it to -- awkward forced interactions, demands for apologies, women passive-aggressively apologizing if "anyone's feeling were hurt"...
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The Vulgar Heart
Welcome to the first Real Housewives of Melbourne reunion, a.k.a. "Everybody Hates Gina Part 93,847." You'd think I'd be exaggerating at this point, but nope. Almost everyone's individual segments...
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The Real Housewives Of Melbourne Ends Exactly As The Angels Intended
After eleven episodes of spray tan stains, "Chinese whispers," and angel-fueled arguments, the inaugural season of The Real Housewives of Melbourne has come to an end, and it's time to declare a...
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The Real Housewives Of Melbourne Delivers Half The Drama, Twice The Crazy
For someone like me who watches, and writes about, multiple Real Housewives shows, the bitterness and vinegar running through the veins of a large chunk of our American Housewives can sometimes be a...
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Switch The Witch
We spend a lot of time this week with our new Melbourne Housewives, Pettifleur and Gamble, mostly because I think the producers want to get us (and the other Housewives) used to their dumb names. I...
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Gambling With Your Reputation
The big story for this week's episode is Janet vs. Gamble at the fashion show, but that's just pregame for the big boss feud between Gina and Janet that will surely unfold throughout the season. Gina...
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'I Want To Be Cross With You But You Make Me Laugh'
I can never decide whether RHOMelbourne's lazy production is more charming or distracting. On one hand, you have the Keebaugh/Gillies dinner date with Chyka being like, "Shall we sit at this table...
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Nouveau Bitch
I realized during Chyka's Big Group-hosted dinner party that Pettifleur and Gamble are Melbourne's Carlton and Joyce: they're both insufferable, in completely different ways, but all the vet...
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The Tempest Of Sydney
For an ignorant American like me, one of the benefits of watching RHOMelbourne is getting to learn about Australia -- at least, through the eyes of the well-heeled (in all senses of the word)....
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Petti Theft
Of this season's new Housewives, Gamble is without a doubt the more agreeable of the two. Yes, she spent a large chunk of episodes thus far screaming about those dumb rumors (she's a bunny ranch madam...
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Jackie Stops Shining And Starts Getting Real (Ugly)
The dinner feud between Petti and Gina that capped off last week's episode takes a few surprising turns as we rejoin the women in Manila this week. Petti finally accuses Gina of being racist instead...
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Maloof Hoof, Eat Your Heart Out
The launch of Gina's shoe "range" provides the bulk of this week's drama, but it's only one of THREE product launches for the Housewives in this episode. Cue someone winding the gear in Petti's back...
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Are You A Good Bitch Or A Bad Bitch?
This would be a weird season for any Real Housewives iteration in that the two newcomers have almost entirely driven the drama. We've checked in on the Season 1 feuds periodically (Janet vs. Gina,...
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'I Think It's Been Like A Nightmare Played Out In Real Life: Kinda Fun'
Who is Manuela Pless-Bennett in this world? Of all the questions I have about the Melbourne finale -- and I have a lot -- that is my biggest. Manuela was the closest thing to "Friend Of A Housewife"...
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The Wilting of Pettifleur
I feel about Real Housewives reunions the same way I feel about Saturday Night Live: I ain't got time for that, but if something truly interesting actually manages to eke its way out of the circle...
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'Where Do You Make Your Money?''Reality TV, You F**king C***'
Well, after approximately 72 themed parties, 347 failed attempts to brand the word "bitch," and ten million discussions about Gamble's rumor (she knows what she did), the second season of The Real...
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Watch A Trailer For Season 3 Of The Real Housewives Of Melbourne
Even if your general feeling is that the Real Housewives franchise is getting a little played out, it's hard not to be charmed by the broads from Down Under. They have completely exotic ways of being...
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Come Get Pissed With The Real Housewives of Melbourne
It's been fourteen long months since Season 2 of The Real Housewives Of Melbourne wrapped in the U.S., and I can't tell you how much I've missed these dodo birds. There's a particular thrill I get...
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The Real Housewives of Melbourne: Now Performing In A Mall Near You
One of the primary selling points of The Real Housewives is the element of escapism. We aren't just tuning in to watch middle-aged women endlessly debate petty grievances; we've come to watch wealthy...
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The Real Housewives of Melbourne Cordially Invite You To Not Be Such A S**thead
Very few fights that take place in the echo chamber that is The Real Housewives Of Melbourne are about anything...real. ("The irony!" some guy in a Media Studies class just screamed, while climaxing.)...
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Who Is The Real Housewives Of Melbourne's Biggest Bridezilla?
Last week's Petti-fueled typhoon of chucked wedding invitations and emotion, like many natural disasters, ends as abruptly as it began. Before some of the women can even ascertain why Gamble's thrown...
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Taking A Gamble On Love With The Real Housewives of Melbourne
For practically any other Housewife in the franchise (save maybe Kim Richards), Gamble's wedding would be a total shit shower. Alin, Gamble's serviceable wedding dress designer, is no wedding planner....
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The Real Housewives of Melbourne Accuse Gina Of Cheating On Them With A...
Welp, there's the Gina Liano we've been waiting for all season: the selfish, defensive grand dame who likes to tell her enemies to go fuck themselves before scampering off into the night. In terms of...
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The Real Housewives Of Melbourne's Children Are The Future
OF COURSE Lydia starts soaking when "Chyka" invites the Housewives to Dubai, the one brown-people place she believes she won't get terrorist-ed in. ISIS wouldn't dare attack that indoor ski slope;...
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The Real Housewives Of Melbourne Throw Petti A Pity Party In Dubai
Every once in a while, a Housewife comes along who's so insane (Kelly, Aviva, the Staub) that the fact she's not locked up in an asylum, let alone permitted to partake in extravagant activities with...
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The Real Housewives Of Melbourne Can't Decide Which Of Their Terrible...
Holy shit, this Dubai trip is fun. I didn't watch the last season of Beverly Hills, but I can't imagine Rinna accusing Yolanda of not having Lyme disease while dining in front of a giant fish tank was...
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The Real Housewives Of Melbourne Should Have Never Returned To Melbourne
We're back in Melbourne for less than thirty seconds when the post-vacation blues set in. The Dubai trip was such an entertaining pressure cooker of dummy-fueled rage that everyone's more typical solo...
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Jackie Isn't Ready To Call It Quits On The Real Housewives Of Melbourne
"You know, I reckon none of us should talk to each other at all. I think we're all a bit fucked up, and I think everyone has something really negative to say about everyone else. So, everyone can go...
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No One Is Safe From Janet's Wrath When The Real Housewives of Melbourne Reunite
First things first: I hope you get eaten by a horde of rabid kangaroos, Alex Perry. Andy Cohen has hosted dozens of these Manson family reunions, and not once has he faltered in his sacred Bravo...
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